If you’re new here, you might be wondering about the odd names my family members have. Their real names are quite ordinary and boring. And because I love them and don’t want to completely alienate them by airing their dirty laundry on the Internet, I’ve given them all fictitious names. Except for the pets. I’m not as worried about alienating them.
Here’s the rundown:
Spouse or BK – my spouse
Sasquatch or Sassy – our oldest son, age 24. Sassy is 6’4” of pure drama. Married to Goldilocks, and father of Moose (age 2) and Bean (age 3 weeks).
Yeti or UncleWookie – our younger son, age 19. Yeti is a normal-sized human, however, he began shaving at the age of 12. By 14, he had a full beard. Now, at 19, he’s less likely than I am to be carded buying alcohol.
Prohibition Shirley – my mother. Prohibition Shirley lives in a world of absolutes. If you have a bottle of wine in your possession, you’re a wino; a bottle of rum makes you a rummy, etc. Likewise if you own any rental property, regardless of how it’s maintained, you are a slumlord.
Mr. Wizard – my dad. Mr. Wizard has an answer for everything, whether you asked a question or not. He loves to share his facts (things he made up) with you. As an added bonus, he’s starting to show symptoms of Alzheimer’s, so you get to hear the same *facts* several times in each visit. And, squirrels are trying to kill him. Seriously.
Derf – my father-out-of-law. His name is Fred, but since he tends to often do things” back-asswards,” his wife started calling him Derf.